A Mumsnet user is being encouraged to dump her husband over his obsession with a female colleague.
Sharing her frustration with Mumsnet’s Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum on January 31, user suze284 wrote that she and her husband had been married for eight months.
Despite being newlyweds, her husband has already become “infatuated” with another woman at work. At first, it was just harmless lunches and coffee breaks, but over the last few weeks, he has been mentioning this woman more frequently.
However, on a recent night out, her husband crossed a line. All evening, he was obsessing over his co-worker—despite his wife being present—leaving the poster “hurt and embarrassed.”
“Once she arrived with her [boyfriend], my husband’s attention was all on her,” suze284 posted.
“He literally followed her around all night like a puppy, I made my own conversation but was noting how he was acting.
“She drifted from one group to another, my husband trailing after her. The way he was looking, it was like he’s in love with her… “
The co-worker is on a temporary contract, and will be moving to a new role—likely abroad—very soon. Her leaving party is coming up, but the couple have plans with suze284’s parents on the same date.
“I think it’s quite important that we go because he’s only met my extended family properly at the wedding because of the pandemic and everyone is scattered across the country,” suze284 commented.
“He’s come home from work telling me there’s this leaving party for her, I reminded him we’ve got plans with my family.
“Then he replies in a whiney sort of way like ‘oh but she might leave for good and who knows when they will see each other again.’ My jaw dropped at the audacity, I just left the room.”
Unsure how to handle the situation, suze284 turned to Mumsnet for help. Fellow users were horrified by the husband’s behavior and advised her to “cut her ties,” with the original post receiving 320 comments.
Half of American Workers Have Experienced an Office Crush
A 2021 poll from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) found that 50 percent of the 1,000 workers surveyed had developed romantic feelings for a colleague at some point during their career, with 25 percent starting a workplace romance during COVID-19.
But if you’re in a relationship, your partner’s office crush can lead to hurt feelings. Whether it’s flirty messages or midnight meet-ups, if your partner is prioritizing their colleague over you, U.S. break-up and relationship coach Emmi Fortin told Newsweek it’s important to identify your boundaries and needs.
“Have you effectively expressed to your partner how their behavior makes you feel and created a receptive space for communicating about the situation at hand?” Fortin said.
If you haven’t discussed your relationship trajectory, then obsessing over a co-worker can be a sign that your partner isn’t fully committed or doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere.
In this case, Fortin advised the Mumsnet poster: “It’s time to find someone more in alignment with your own goals.”
However, if your romance is more serious, then your partner might be avoiding issues in your relationship by focusing on another person.
“They are acting on their immediate needs to be filled by someone else, as [it’s] an ‘easier’ response to something they may be avoiding,” Fortin added.
“Whether this person is open to personal growth and honestly facing their own issues might inform you of whether it’s time to find a different partner.”
After the office party, suze284 confronted her husband about his behavior, and he “seemed surprised.”
“I told him how I was hurt by how he’s acting around her and it’s really obvious. I feel stupid observing it all in public,” she wrote.
“He started repeating how he loves me etc and apologised for acting stupid. He asked what he was doing that’s inappropriate, I said I’m not going to explain it to him and it’s really obvious because as a woman I’ve been on the receiving end of such things.”
The poster hoped the discussion was the end of her husband’s workplace crush, but shortly afterward, he prioritized the co-worker’s leaving party over an event with his wife’s family.
“I feel so completely shook, I think I’m writing this just to let it out…” she wrote.
“A part of me wants to say ‘ok go if it’s so important’ and move my stuff out once [he’s gone].”
Mumsnet users were shocked by the man’s clear disregard for his wife’s feelings, with heartbroken40 writing: “This is so hurtful.”
“Feels like your marriage is doomed,” the user added.
Isthisexpected agreed, posting: “Outrageous behaviour. Could you try to get someone he respects to tell him he’s lost the plot?”
Theresahippopotamusonourroofeatingcake commented: “Really not ok. I wouldn’t normally recommend an ultimatum, but this feels like a time to be very clear about your expectations and what you will/won’t put up with.”
InkPotLover wrote: “I would be so livid. It’s so inappropriate at any point in a marriage, but you’re newlyweds! He shouldn’t be fawning over another woman so blatantly.”
RJnomore1 advised: “Cut your ties. You can find someone who makes you the centre of their world. If he can’t do it at this point, imagine 20 years later?”
Derbee commented: “I’d be concerned about the lack of respect. A crush after a few months of marriage seems likely to lead to an actual affair a few years into marriage.
“No way I’d trust him.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
Has infidelity broken your trust in your partner? Let us know via firstname.lastname@example.org. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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